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How to deal with children who do nothing or accept their obligations

How to deal with children who do nothing or accept their obligations


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"We have tried everything, but the child does not change. He does not want to study, nor does he collaborate at home and does not pay attention to us", this is one of the problems for which some parents may go to the consultation of a psychologist to help them with his son.

When we talk about children who do nothingWe are not talking about a situation that occurs overnight, suddenly. It is something that is gradually taking shape, slowly but clearly. Parents often say that it doesn't matter what they do with their children; if they are punished, it doesn't work - it seems that they don't care about everything - but neither can they reward them all the time because then they only pay attention if they buy things from them. These situations also tend to generate discomfort at home, tensions and arguments with the children.

In the case of children who do not accept their obligations, it is necessary to analyze in depth when the problem occurs as well as what guidelines, norms and limits we have established at home or if there is any reason that may be justifying this situation, etc. On the other hand also the age of the children must be taken into account, since a teenager is not the same as a 6-year-old child.

In many cases, we are faced with parents who apply ineffective guidelines at home. These have to be redirected so that things do not get worse. It is very important that from a young age they acquire adequate habits, in the study, at home and behavior. Since they are children, and especially when they have autonomy to do things alone, it is essential that they acquire responsibilities while we create routines and habits in your day to day based on certain rules and certain limits.

Establishing obligations at home is essential:That they are responsible for their room, for setting and clearing the table or making their bed, and as long as they have completed those tasks they can go out, play, have their mobile etc.

The habits that we establish from childhood are going to be key in the way in which children develop as adults. If we give them everything, if we do not set limits or if we give in to their desires out of fear perhaps of their tantrums or for not making them suffer, we are giving rise to a situation that will be more difficult to change when they are older. If they acquire good habits as children, it will be easier for them to maintain them when they grow up and it will cost us less to acquire others as they mature.

Regarding rules and limits, it must be remembered that it is essential that they are firm and clear and that they are always followed. If we tell the child that if he does not set the table, he will not be able to watch TV after dinner, but he finally sees it, because he has cleared the table, we are teaching him that the rules are flexible, they are not clear and cannot be predicted , so it will be difficult to comply, that is, to obey.

When we are therefore in such a situation, it will be important review the guidelines and norms at home, share them among adults and restore "order" in the home. For this we can count on the children, make them participate in the changes that are going to take place and make clear what are the reinforcements that are going to be given from now on (positive and negative consequences). That is, we must make it clear to our children what we expect of them and that we value certain behaviors positively (not only negatively when they do not).

You have to establish certain routines in them, and make it easier for them to take responsibility for their tasks. This means that if certain things are not done by them, we will not do them ourselves.

But as we said before, these attitudes are acquired from a young age. We must promote the development of appropriate habits and the internalization of certain rules and limits, as well as adequately satisfy their emotional and psychological needs.

In those situations that are certainly alarming and in which we parents do not know how to act, it may be appropriate to consult a specialist to help the child and parents to acquire certain personal skills that help to improve the situation.

You can read more articles similar to How to deal with children who do nothing or accept their obligations, in the category of Conduct on site.


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